The Art of Loving-Kindness

Looking at the practice of loving-kindness from my very last perspective from my last post, I can honestly say that it is quite beneficial.  A bit difficult in the after effects of playing it out at times, but most definitely recommended, even if just for 5-10 minutes twice a day.

Practicing this revitalized my loving nature; it allowed me to escape from the turmoil of the "real" world to bring back to me the essence of what was really important: to love and to love others.  The difficulty lay when I tried to help someone very important to me, and my help was rejected.  Though from that experience, I've come to terms with the fact that I can only help and advise so much, the rest is really up to that particular individual no matter how close you may feel you are to that person.  From this I've acknowledged that 'patience is truly a virtue' and only time will tell if my words actually initiate a spark.

Mental workouts are in some sense quite similar to meditation.  It requires you to get away from the "outside" and to focus in the moment.  Although, unlike meditation in which you focus on the now in a physical sense, mental workouts require you to visualize your inner strength and abilities; it's at this time when I'm able to "hear" the Lord and physically feel His presence in my heart again.

I understand the concept of practicing this daily.  With cognitive practice, it soon becomes an automatic response.  This has actually been helping me a lot with my stress and anger issues, hence the saying: 'Love conquers all, and love never fails.'

What do I think of myself?

In all honesty, I think self-reflection in it of itself is a bit difficult for me to truthfully admitt.  I think I may have a tendency to evaluate myself a bit higher than it actually may be for two reasons: 1) I don't really feel comfortable making known to others how crazy my mind can be at times, and 2) I think I try to convince myself that things are better than they seem. 

Although, with that being said, seeing as this is actually the first time that I've actually admitted this out loud and apparently in public, I think this is a good 1st step in getting to know my deep, true self and finally healing myself from my past.

Ok, back to school work... A-physical wellbeing: I give myself about maybe a 7 or so because, I actually do like to work out, I just feel I really have no time to dedicate the time of stretching before and after a 30 minute vigorous workout; at the same time, I'm by all means not lazy.  I love hard physical labor such as construction, and I highly encourage a clean house as much as possible, I love playing all sports and being active, I take my girls out ice skating a lot (I do skate with them), I also like to roller blade while they ride bikes to the store, or beach; I even found out that roller blading while trick-or-treating was one of the best ideas I've ever had!  In addition, I ride my bike 5 miles to and from work in the summer when I don't have to pick up my girls from the sitter, just to try and squeeze in some activity in between responsibilities and it also saves a lot on gas as well.

B-spiritual well-being: I'd have to say I could probably rate myself pretty high up there at about a 9 or so.  Ever since God saved me about a year and a half ago, I do my best to try and place all my trust in him.  I've recently noticed that everything I say, relates back to God's higher purpose, and what I say, reflects my actions, even in rough times; Jesus knows as well as the rest of us, life on Earth isn't always peachy keen.  Sometimes the truth hurts, no matter how much concious thought you put into your words, it must be heard anyway, but ONLY if it's for a better purpose or cause...  I can honestly admitt, I'm a very passionate Christian but I give myself a 9 rather than a 10 because there is always room for improvement and there is always more to learn.  Plus, I'm still trying my best to take care of my anger issues of acting on impulse rather than taking a step back and listening for God's communication.  I am much better, but I still need work...

C- my psychological well-being is a real toughy...  I guess I give myself a 5 or 6 or maybe lower, I'm not sure really how to rate that one.  I've always pretty much lived my entire life since the day I was born in a high stress environment, so I think that even if I were to not have so much on my plate, I really wouldn't know what to do with myself.  But it seems like lately, I've really been getting overwhelmed.  Work is demanding much more of us, when I already feel as though I'm giving it my all and I'm really starting to get burned out with the way that the front desk is schedueling our patients; I have my brother-in-law living with us that acts like a 15 year old rather than 20, and another of my husband's childhood friends also staying with us that doesn't know how to watch his language in front of my girls or even respect them when they sleep without me having to tell him to be quiet at least 3-4 times a night; my mom is still suffering from her recent divorce, so I try my best in trying to help her out weekly seeing as she doesn't even know how to change a lightbulb; deciding how to treat my daughter with adhd is really killing me because I don't even want her on medication to begin with, but her teacher exclaims that she won't be able to pass her if she can't focus properly, even after I've been working extremely hard with her trying to keep her with her classmates as far as acedemics are concerned; lastly I actually just got into a real big dispute with my husband to the point where I'm actually at my mom's house right now for the first time in years... So I can say, yes, I'm a bit stressed!

A goal I can try to reach as far as my physical-wellbeing is concerned is to try and reverse my beginning stages of carpel tunnel syndrome.  I can try to do some wrist exercises in the morning and keep my brace on at night at the same time trying to tell my brain to create the appropiate neuropeptides that will actually heal my physical numbness.
Spiritually, I need to take the time to listen more.  I can do this by reserving a small amount of time in prayer with the Lord, so when the time comes that I get heated up, it'll be easier for me to remember to step back and ask for God's help before proceding.
Psychologically, well, that's why I'm at my mom's house right now.  I'm not sure that with me taking this class that I'm starting to evolve further and am trying to bring my husband to the same level I'm at, or what exactly the case may be...  But as long as we can stay in agreement that we won't take the girls away from eachother, and nothing is set in stone...  I have God, and I'm ok.  I just needed to start getting rid of the stressors that I had control over (ie. the two room mates).

The Loving-kindness exercise was a bit strange I thought.  It was easy for me to visualize and feel warm and fuzzy for myself.  But taking in the negative energy of others and showering them with my light, gave me a disturbing visual and feeling as though I was taking over God's role.  But maybe I should look at it as though God is working through me...

the Journey

G'd evening all you out there and reading!
I'm pretty curious to start these practices of Loving Kindness and the Subtle Mind, and to permenently be able to apply them as a result of my inner healing through the Aesclepius techinique.  Since my spiritual wake up call last year, loving kindness has naturally found its way into my nature; although I believe these practices will help me stay on track and allow me to be able to find my way back to serenity when the life of chaos tries to sneak itself upon me.

Steph

INTRODUCTION: Life

My main goal in life is to be ultimately happy and to share this with all those I come in contact with.  I have many theories about living life to the fullest... but none proven, to say the least.  Although, I don't know if that's even something that you can prove... 

My appreciation for my natural surroundings come from experience in "living it up".  I just got back from snowboarding on Friday.  I'm still sore today, but it was all well worth it.  Working as a positive stress reliever, I was able to take it out on the slopes.  Now, I'm not that great, just so you all know, still learning actually, but to be able to focus on just the present, becuase it may mean life or death, and to know that I'm giving 110% and utilizing all my regressed stress energy in a positive fashion, and exercising my body as well, makes me feel good about myself; it revitalizes and rejuvinates me, and I can come home a more loving mom and wife.  Surfing does just the same but with even more gratification for the world God created for us.  There's nothing like feeling the wind blow through your hair and face and physically feeling the higher force of nature carry you across an ocean of magnificance, even if just for only a few moments... it'll literally, take your breath away.

You don't have to be good at doing these things, you just have to know that you gave it your all without worrying about what other people are thinking about you and it's the experience that gives the story to your life.  My girls have a saying, "Try it, try it, you might like it..." so if the opprotunity knocks on your door, don't hesitate to say "yes".  Now, just so you all know, I may be an adrenaline junky, so know your limits as well.  All I know is that it has worked for me so far and my faith and spirituality with God has everything to do with it. 

I'll post blogs here and there when I get inspired and have the time, or I guess if I just want to vent - hey, it can't be good all the time, then it wouldn't be called "life".  All I can recommend is try it out for yourself and see what happens; you really have nothing to lose, but if there's something to gain it'll transform your entire life forever in the best of forms.